Originally posted on October 16, 2008 on www.myspace.com/bowyer512
I was thinking about how to deal with the pain that follows us through life.
The first feeling I see in facing past events that continue to cause pain, is to wallow in them, allowing them to control your every move and decision and consume you. But I don’t know anyone who really wants that. Even when you feel that you have no other choice because the pain is so overwhelming and agonizing, it’s not something you would choose.
The other option, to “just get over it”, is often suggested as a quick fix by shrinks who give or lend their advice in the form of self-empowerment and personal responsibility. But their opinions assume that you should never allow yourself to be in pain, and that feeling pain is somehow not a healthy part of being human? But I don’t think that’s right either?
I think to be human is to feel, and sometimes that means to feel pain. There’s nothing wrong with that and there is nothing to be ashamed of about it either. It’s not a feeling of guilt, it’s just the feeling of concern for your own personal mental health, which can be confusing?
The real question is how to honor the pain you feel, finding an appropriate place for it in your life, without being enslaved by it. And, when in the course of time you are ready and able to let it go, you will.
this was very helpful for me to read. thank you.
Mark, I really wanted to comment on this. Since we have not seen each other in many years, I wanted to tell you about my study of Buddhism for the last 7 years and how clear of a Buddhist msg your post is.
You are right, we all feel pain and suffering, it’s human and we can’t get out of it. Often we run from pain and flock to pleasure, why not, heck it’s a lot better. But is it?
Of course one could do as you first mention and wallow in pain to the point that it controls you, but as you stated that’s no good.
Buddha said that we can not escape pain and suffering, but we can run from it and let it control us. Yet he told of another way to deal with it, to be with it. Observe it and meditate on what it feels like to be in this. Letting your mind say; “Aaah this is what this feels like”. Not allowing it to control and not allowing your mind to run, you just sit with it and observe it.
It takes practice and don’t expect the suffering to end, rather it changes. Where it changes is you might see the following: nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass, suffering need not control you but it is a vital part of your humanness, and finally that there truly are wonderful gifts that arise from observing pain and suffering head on.
You might be interested in some things myself and others have written on the subject at http://www.beyondzen.org. Hope it helps, if I hadn’t seen that you were already on the path then I wouldn’t have said anything as it’s hard to understand until one realizes what you have already.
With much love and compassion, may you and all sentient beings be free of suffering, this is my wish and pledge to you.
Kris